Wait, Which Me?

I’ve always been the type to bite my tongue or look for resolve in conflicts, almost always anyway, we all have our moments. It’s always been imperative for me to do so, and for a long time I’ve convinced myself that I’d rather be on the sidelines then caught up in a bunch of drama and conflict. But I’ve realized lately that maybe I don’t want to be on the sidelines, maybe I don’t want to bite my tongue. Lately all the moments I would always keep quiet or leave the scene I can feel my blood turn hot and I’m seething, the last thing I want to do is be quiet anymore. Sure, maybe that’s not a bad thing. I know it’s good to stand for something and to fight for the things you believe in, as well as the people you love. But it scares me that I don’t want to be the quiet, patient me, because that’s who I am. I’m suppose to be even tempered, logical, tough, quiet, and dependable. The me that’s been unfurling under my skin lately never learned how to handle their temper without completely burying it, this other person doesn’t have a “place” in the life I’ve been planning. The me I’m used to is going to get a logical job I’m likely to succeed at and involves helping people, and will bring in a decent flow of cash. The me I’m suppose to be is never going to be involved in drama or disputes other then by association because she’s all about keeping the peace. I have no idea where this other person is going to go in life, I don’t know what I’ll be involved in tomorrow or a year from now, I think that’s what scares me so much. Because both versions of myself want to know what’s going to happen next, but I need to realize that neither of them are going to know till it happens.